I struggle with expressing my emotions. I’m not sure if that’s caused by past trauma. All I know how to express is anger. But i’m not always mad. Once I can get a clear mind after the fact, I can calmly express my thoughts in a mature fashion. I have tried to write down in a journal how I feel, think, and want to say, but I always fall short & start & never pick it back up. I have tried counting to 10. I have tried to walk away and come back, but the way I can express it, I feel like a shaken up coke bottle. I feel better once I scream or yell, or throw a fit. I would like some ideas to maybe control my emotions and express them properly. Any ideas? Thoughts?
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It took me a very long time to realize that I need time to process & react. The fact that you’re aware and want to change makes me very confident that you’ll make changes. Is it possible when you feel yourself getting upset to just remove yourself from the situation saying “I need a moment.” Sometimes removing yourself from the situation and some breaths is enough to get you to a place of semi clarity. You ARE in control. You’ve got this!
I could really use some help to. I know Im a bully. I dont want to be and I can feel it happening but cant stop it and then feel bad.
I used to have a really bad temper, especially in sports. It wasn’t until I saw myself on video and thought that person looks crazy and I didnt want to be that person looking all crazy. I’m not sure how but that helped me to be the person I wanted to be and not that crazy person I saw. When you feel shaken up – turn on your record button on your phone and see if you like what you hear when you play it back. ? I hope it helps. Hang in their – no one perfect and sounds like you trying hard.
It could be caused by past trauma like a PTSD reaction or something. I know its so hard but the first time you break the cycle of behavior of anger it gets a little easier each time. So hard to break the pattern for the 1st time but you can do it. When you feel the bubbles from the coke bottle start to rise remind yourself your soul, your heart is stronger than your angry emotions and you already know you dont like how you feel after…if all else fails walk out of the room and tell us about it here!
Dont be afraid of your emotions I think thats the first thing that helped me. I never wanted to show love because I thought it made me vulnerable and weak and I was happy to show anger because I thought it made me look powerful and strong. Its ok to be scared and its ok to cry and being loud and angry doesn’t make you strong. A strong the person, the bravest people I know show love freely and show grace instead of anger. Think of speaking to yourself as a little girl – when you get angry and want to scream at someone would you scream at yourself as a little girl or would you show grace – understand that she may need some help and not everyone thinks the same way. Kindness is not weakness and like walk away if all else fails.
i really appreciate all of the comments and ideas. i will continue to try and take a minute to myself. focus on my breathing and try and collect myself. i liked the idea of videoing yourself to see what you look like from an outside perspective. the talking to yourself like a little girl is also a good idea. i’ve had a lot of family issues/trauma growing up, so maybe that can heal my inner child and make me a better person as an adult too. i do believe i am afraid of my emotions. im afraid to express anything else other than anger cause im afraid that it will result in me being hurt, and not heard. i think i need to start believing that i can be vulnerable. its hard, but i have to try. i do plan on using this as an outlet & to know i am not alone
@mistycloudsunset. I really love your name. I too have had a lot of trauma growing up , and had to do alot of inner work . It’s completely understandable that you are afraid of your emotions .. they have not helped us in the past , so it’s hard to trust. Being vulnerable , in my opinion, starts with being okay to tell yourself the truth. Being honest with yourself first is the thing that is hard.. Because when you do that , it goes against all the other things you said to yourself to survive to this point.. whether it’s family drama , a toxic relationship, being dependent upon others to survive , etc.. just trying to run from yourself so that you can tell yourself a different story of what happpend to you. I did that. I owned it. I learned that I am not broken or weak like i thought I was. I am actually the opposite, and I am now very proud of my courage to be myself. It is still hard, as it’s a knee jerk instinct to hide ….. but the more that I do the opposite , the better i feel in every facet of life. I have strength that I never knew I had. No one can ever break the essence of who you are inside, not even ourselves.. I hope you know we are here in this community to help each other.. sift through whatever and use what resonates with you. you are stronger than you think!
Sometimes being afraid to express anger is worse than just expressing it.. It’s like a faucet that has not been turned on in so long. It will come out fast and furious at first , but then , once it flows….you will get your grip on what’s really the underlying issue… and then make peace with that … be kind to yourself.. you are always doing the very best you can…
I’ve read about generational trauma too, not sure if that applies here though.